The anticipation, the waiting and wanting. The breaking of rules, work place relationships, age difference relationships. Quivering all day long across from him exchanging flirtatious messages while the busy work of our colleagues swirls around us. I did my work, as best I could, while in flames, my mind gone, body controlled by my desire.
Of course I worry still a little bit that there may be regrets, ramifications, aren't we taught that bad things happen when we give into our most primal needs. But this could be it, my last shot at passion, I could find out in a month, a year that I have cancer or some such modern day disease, and will have wasted this precious time on fear of retribution. My sexual drive will begin to decline, as I'm told it does with age, and these heights, like I experienced today, by his knowledge of my secret desire for him, will be forever out of reach.