Saturday, 22 December 2012


The water contained jellyfish and him and me. His pale skin and poor eyesight made me feel like a graceful sea mermaid by comparison. I swam around him, encircling him, like the predatory shark I am, wishing to bite his milky flesh and taste his skin between my teeth. The waves fortuitously assisting me in my journey closer to him. Such a moment in life to be ablaze with lust for another, to swim and float around the one you desire with perfect weather, peace and white sand the only other companions for a time. I don't think he is as affected by me, as I am by him, but it doesn't matter, finding this passion within is to be treasured for the degree to which it warms me thoroughly and wholly. 

And then later, he offered me mango, and never has anything tasted so sweet. A fruit given freely by one you want. An offering never to be forgotten.

All these moments I am stealing from him as I can. Him helping me remove my shoes on a giddy walk home. Holding his hands briefly, hearing him sing in the empty piazza. A short ride alone in the lift. I can't breathe around him, I am wound tightly, controlling with such enormous effort my desire to thread my arms around his waist and plant my kisses on his chin and neck and nipples. The sexy words that come to mind in response to the silly things he says. I want so badly to seduce him.

How beautiful he is. But still, not for me, I must wait for one more appropriate, one who will adore me, as I adore him. Not this, me watching him, as he looks away gazing toward an obscured yet different horizon.

Wednesday, 5 December 2012


Sometimes I feel like there is a wreckless entity inside my body that drives me onward more frenetically than I would like. 

I think on some level I am very tired, and need to rest up, but I don't stop. I can't seem to put the brakes on, to pause. I feel I am not in control, the steering is faulty, gravity too strong and I'm on a fast paced track going god knows where. Like I'm clinging to this force that drives me, too afraid to let her go, lest she turns and destroys me. My muscles ache, my mind is cluttered with useless information, I need some loving. But I'm in constant motion, unstoppable. 

In which direction am I running? Am I suddenly so enamoured with life that all must happen with immediacy. Or is there some deeper instinct guiding me in this manic hurry. Is death chomping at my heels. Life feels different, I see beauty and connections between things, I am driven hard. I am sped up and out of control. 

My days suddenly feel precious, numbered, or is it just cherished. Maybe it's just coming to terms with mortality. Maybe I've fallen in love with life. Maybe my spirit is just roaring and exerting its will and expecting my body to comply without meaningful resistance. 

I imagine it as an out of control wildfire, but that's just perhaps wishful thinking. A more mundane restless spectre wandering aimlessly, carried along occasionally by a hot northerly wind.

Whatever she be, she be tiring me.